Tae Kwon Do's & Don'ts

Hi Barry,

I know you’re not necessarily about foretelling things from dreams or nothing, but I really think you might be able to help me with this one. I’ve had it a dozen times in the last three months.

First a little background, I am a thirty-year old Pisces female who lives in the Perth suburb of Victoria Park. I work in an administrative role at an insurance company and I could be promoted next year – I’m not sure. There’s another guy I work with who might get the promotion over me although I don’t think he’s as skilled as I am.

My husband Hans and I don’t have kids and have no plans to have them either. We have a cocker spaniel called Mutley. We are both keen Tae Kwon Do champions and are rated in the top ten respectively in our state.

I’m not sure if I want to take the promotion if I get it, because I am a bit dissatisfied with my job. I wonder if the dream has to do with this? Here goes:

I am walking along a footpath in the sunshine. Destiny’s Child’s BOOTYLICIOUS is playing on the ‘soundtrack’. I don’t really like the song. Suddenly the ground under my feet turns slippery – the path is made of oily, pan-fried veal cutlets. I fly off the path and into the river, which suddenly appears. Only its chocolate. I begin to drown; only I keep eating the chocolate. Even though it’s liquid, it tastes and feels like chocolate cake. Then I wake up.

Please help, Mr Bostwick.

Perth Pisces



Dear Perth Pisces,

If you’d come to me with this even a decade ago I probably would have given you a more Jungian approach to this dream – but like my acting, I work strictly from the gut these days – there’s no other way for M Le Bostwick.

Often in a dream, veal means unrealised talent. A river represents the future or the unknown. I think falling into the river and tasting chocolate cake is very telling. In Western Culture having too much chocolate cake means that you have had too much of a good thing.

Bringing all this together, I think its clear that both your psyche and the stars are pointing towards your leaving your jobs and travelling to Hollywood, USA to compete in Big League Tae Kwon Do, Don’t think about it, Pisces, be like the Goddess Nike and Just Do It!

By the way, you might want to look into the some of the copyright implications of your dream. If Bootylicious doesn’t get you into trouble, the chocolate river thing bears more than a passing similarity to the Augustus Gloop sequence in Charlie and The Chocolate factory – the estate of Roald Dahl could sue your ass off!

Till The Clouds Roll By,

Barry Bostwick

Hiatus

Dear Readers,

I would like to apologise for the six month hiatus in this column. Mr Bostwick has been pursuing his considerable show business commitments and I have toured the northern suburbs of Perth as well as the Wheatbelt and the Great Southern with my ventriloquist act (Porter 'n' Me)

Normal service has been resumed.

Regards,

Mr Trivia