Intervention, When?

Dear Mr Trivia,

My dad, who has recently retired from his job as financial consultant, seems to be without any sense of direction or motivation in his life.

He's 62 years old, but very fit and healthy for his age. But because his working life was so busy he never developed any hobbies. For the last three months he's spent his days watching 10-12 hours of cable television daily.

He watches the Cooking Channel and the Lifestyle Channel, which is cool I guess, but he also spends a lot of time watching the Fashion Channel and a bunch of alleged music shows which seemed to involve gyrating teenagers in midriff tops.

But even worse, he has grown his hair out into a kind of mullet and has taken to drinking those pre-mixed cocktails in a can. When he does leave the loungeroom he sits out on the front step of the house and shouts out (to no one in particular) stuff like: "Rock and Roll!"

Should our family have an intervention for him?

Concerned Daughter,
North Melbourne
VICTORIA, OZ


Dear Concerned Daughter,

It's been three months, eh? Give him three more and then start the ball rolling to 12-stepping your deadbeat retiree dad.

In the meanwhile get him involved in nexrt Wednesday's Wear A Rock T-Shirt Day. He seems to have the right spirit.

Cheers,

Mr Trivia

Mr Trivia would like to remind those asking him for advice that he is almost as clueless as anyone else on the Web, except maybe David Koch from Channel 7's Sunrise program.

Sleep is for the Weak

Hey, Mr Trivia!

Sophocles or maybe Tony Soprano once said called sleep "Death's Brother". How good is that, hey? I've been an insomnio for nearly ten years. I just can't get any sleep at all. So I thought one day that the best thing would be to restructure my life and forget about the need for needing sleep.

So I decided that I would no longer need the need for sleep. And then I would be less tired, do more work and need less sleep. And this, my friend, is exactly what has turned out to be the truth, my friend.

You dig, man?

The way I do it is that first I tell myself that I don't need sleep.

Two, I drink lots of Red Bull drinks. Three or so.

Finally, I consume perhaps seven tablespoons of sugar and slug down 10 mls of food colouring.

Four, I do a mind trick that is halfway between meditation and mediation and self-hypnosis.

Only then do I vanquish and vanish the need for the need for sleep.

You might want to try it yourself guys! Or not!

Kovac
Coober Pedy
SOUTH AUSTRALIA



Dear Kovac,

If you're a long-haul truck-driver, which I suspect you are, you have to stop driving NOW, MAN! Stop reading my blog on the 'net, pull the truck off the road into a safe place, and catch about 20 hours of zees and pay off that sleep debt, buddy!

Remember: TRUCKERS CARRY THIS COUNTRY!

Jeez,

Mr Trivia

Mr Trivia would like to caution drivers against using the internet while they drive. However, watching a nice DVD like Finding Nemo, whilst driving, seems harmless.

What the Hell is SexyBack?

Hi Mr Trivia,

Is there any truth to the rumour that Justin Timerlake is bringing SexyBack?

Confused,
Ontario
CANADA


Hi Confused,

No. He isn't. He's bringing PoorSpacingBetweenLettersBack. And also DistortedVocalsBack. However he remains as essentially lame as the day he and Janet Jackson came up with wardrobe malfunction at the Superbowl half-time show. Remember his weak apology? I'm still a nice guy, was his his message. "Didn't want to offend". Notice how most of the heat attached to Jackson?

Just like the time he was Punk'd and all his faux ebonics quickly broke down into very uncool 'yes sir' and 'no sir' answers because he was scared.

Put a little pressure on JT and he'll bring GutlessBack at lightspeed.

He's really a witless puppet who wants us to forget his boyband and Britney past.

Cheers,

Mr Trivia


Mr Trivia would like to assure readers that his relentless slamming of celebrities with no talent (Paris Hilton) and little talent (JT) is based on pure envy of their youth, good looks and money. When you have these things, talent is an optional extra, yes?

What About Vice Versas?

Dear Mr Trivia,

I really used to enjoy those chocolate-shelled sweets known as Vice Versas. White chocolate with a dark shell and milk chocolate with a white shell. Why aren't Nestle making these anymore?

Puzzled,
Crows Nest
New South Wales
AUSTRALIA


Dear Puzzled,

I share your sense of lost re: Vice Versas. I believe the withdrawal of vice versas from sale in Australia some 12 years ago now, is mere short-sightedness on behalf of the great confectioners Nestle, rather than the Byzantine conspiracy your letter hints at between the lines. I intend to do some digging on this question and I will return with my findings. Watch this space, friend.

Mr Trivia


Mr Trivia would like to remind readers that Ghost Whisperer isn't in any way real - or indeed an acceptable form of entertainment unless of course one's remote control is busted.