Monkeys as Pets - Cruel or Stupid?

Hi Mr Trivia,

I have been contemplating buying a monkey and keeping it as a pet - like Gert does in E.T. THE EXTRA TERRESTRIAL. My mother says I can't keep a monkey because we live in a small block of flats. What can I say to make her see f**king reason. BTW I am 12.

Monkey Keeper, St Kilda, Australia


Hi Monkey Keeper,

Your Old Dear will not see freaking (which is 7 letters long, MK - spelling!) reason because she is perfectly correct. A monkey is not a pet. Some of the more advanced primates can use tools, communicate in sign language and even pretend to be the Leader of the Free World (see what I did there!)

I must also take issue with your notion that they are some kind of extra terrestrial creature. I think you'll find they are "born of Terra" as we are.

But seriously, monkeys are like us, only a bit nicer. If you want a challenging pet, then purchase a goldfish. You just look at the little f**kers and they go belly up.

Cheers, Big Ears,

M. Le Trivia


Please Note:
Mr Trivia is neither a trained counsellor nor a lender be. His advice should be taken with a grain of salt and leap of faith.